Proof Positive

Life has a funny way of teaching me lessons. With every thing that has happened to me, I can say there was a lesson. Even when it was a really terrible thing.

It just isn’t always easy to understand what that lesson is.

Which brings me to today. I thought that if I stayed diligent enough about my health, but didn’t focus too much on the aches and pains that I’d be just fine. Turns out I’m not. Turns out that my Lyme Disease may have triggered an underlying medical condition. I’m sick and have really had enough of this. I want to go back to rock climbing, taking things for granted…and not thinking about my own body so much. It’s like watching a mud puddle… I lay around and think of what I would do if I had the energy, find ways to conserve what energy I have and… yeah… I’m like a mud puddle.

For anyone who has heard the words, “We need to take some more tests to figure out what is going on” followed by “We need to do some more tests as these were inconclusive” knows that eventually they may start thinking it’s in your head. I know I did.

Admittedly hearing things like “MS” or “Lupus” are really scary, I’m beginning to feel that I can deal with any of it… even “you’re nuts” …just tell me what it is. I can take it… I swear!

Then the doctor drops a bomb.

“The good news is it’s not in your head. The bad news is, your central nervous system is over-reacting to something and we’re not sure what yet.” That’s not good news. Truly psychotherapy would be my preference. Soft cushions and a calming voice and no sterile anything is my idea of best course of treatment. “Some sort of connective tissue disease” is not something I can wrap my arms around. He tells me to be patient.

Proof positive that my doctor clearly does not know me well at all.

Clearly, I’d like to move onto the part where I know what the lesson was or is.